how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
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