is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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