This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
