The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
