sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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