My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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