He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
