so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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