Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
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He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
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Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize