I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
