I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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