I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
