i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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