$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
