she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
