yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
