I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
All the doctor said was why
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
