Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
