she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Randomize
