you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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