He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
