guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
