Your face is a jimmy john
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
