I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
