I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
