Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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