If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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