too bad you live with your parents still
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
