I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
