I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
