I am puke
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
