I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
