FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
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My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
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She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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