It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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