He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
