mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
