Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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