She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
