I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
