i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
