Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
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These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
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Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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