so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
