Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
