Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
