If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize