so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
