Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize