Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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