PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
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I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
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There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
i think my cat just said my name.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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