NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
