Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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