when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
