just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
