I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
