My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
