Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
