Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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