Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
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