did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Its about making memories worth repressing
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
