I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
