It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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