She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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