ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
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