not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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