ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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