I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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