It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
